Its been a while since I received comments, but these are nice so lets archive them as a screenshot here!
( I dont know if its possible to delete them, so might as well keep them here ! )
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a great personal website of a personal person
What I fill my life with, is what comes out
Inputs and outputs
If I aim filled with hurt, pain, negativity of any sort. Even if I try to be possitive, I can't. I can't hold it, it will leak in some shape or form eventually. Be it a more passive aggressive tone, maybe some stupid remark, its a ticking time bomb. Yet I am so prone on taking on the hits for others and then I end up being a used up rag (emotionally)
Do not faulter young crow though, the solution is here
If I really want to change, I simply need to change my inputs or at least the ratio of them
I know you mean well, I know you are trying to soak up negativity and go beyond it, but you can only do that if you maintain your positive frame yourself
Well wishing, bad execution. Could be my nickname at this point as it describes 99% of my life lol
I need to do things that make me feel positive and alive, I need to soak the sun, I need to take myself out on a walk like a good dog owner would
I know that when in deep hole none of those things sound attractive, if anything they sound like an offensive thing to tell yourself as if you are minimizing your own pain and issues. But thats the trap of being depressed, it wants you to stay depressed, it wants you to fall deeper, but I've been in that hole numerous times, I know its tricks. Do not believe it !!
Thats really it. I must defeat negativity and pain. Funnily enough been recently looking at starwars shorts on youtube when I was really really down, fall of anakin to the darkside bit by bit. That story resonates with me, I see other people in what that character went through and supposed to be, I see myself in it too. I just really dont want to become the final outcome of it, nor would I wish that for anyone else
I must defeat it ! And only way to do it, is to treat myself well, be full of life, and then it will leak onto everyone around me
I can do this, I wont let the pain and hurt I am experiencing in this very moment of writing swallow me
no
Ill just cry a bit, Ill let it out, but It wont swallow me
no no no
And Ill never give up
no, never
I am destined to be forever engulfed in a fire (of happiness)
Homage to self. Feeling numb, feeling completely shattered. Yet trying to cheer myself up with a song and with a bit of drift. Actually did rather well considering how I couldn't even sit up straight out of sheer emotional pain lol
But hey dont get swallowed up by that negativity!!!, just unwinded a bit to myself here where no one will read heh.
I know that it only hurt this badly, because I loved and cared that much. It was special, its okay
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