Vices

 

 

Theres a correlation with me feeling depressed and my ability to ride going away.

I kind of forgot about that, its been a while. For most of my life I went through not knowing the joys of it, thinking that this is just normal for me to rarely get excited. One of the recent nights when I had difficulty sleeping, just stumbled on one of the vids above, made me remember what it felt like a bit, put a smile on my face

Each time you feel bored, frustrated, confused, lost, unfocused, angry, restless etc.

Riding would fix it. Probably anything with adrenaline would

It forces you to focus, all the pent up frustrations and anger is unleashed through the abusing of the bike. It forces you to trust yourself, to be confident in your ability, to see yourself for who you are, for when you feel fear, for when you do not, how you react to it. When you step down, you feel mellow, you feel as born anew. Everything is slower, and you are okay with that. Theres peace

These kind of experiences always makes me think of those quotes about men being born in the wrong century. Theres much less things to apply yourself to that are obvious these days, to pour this masculine energy of yours into something. Then it stays within you, rots you, confuses you, frustrates you. It needs to be released regularly for you to feel alive as a man (I am writing like David Deida again full of innuendos, but I really dont mean it this time lmao)

But yeah, different times, different solutions to the same problems. Just think about it, if you aren't feeling AMAZING everyday, there is something wrong, and you should rethink your pyramid of needs and the techniques you use to satisfy them. Do not accept that things not being great is somehow acceptable and normal, you'll stagnate and feel even more unsatisfied. The anger and frustration will rot you from within, will make you reckless

Regarding league, had some funny annoyances to deal with recently. Some of the players are showing their horns and two facedness. Agreeing while disagreeing, or just blatantly trying to push their own will and disregarding me. Wrapping it all in a nice veil of "being nice, democratic, trusting them and their opinions" and calling me "toxic" for desiring team unity, focus on team plans and team needs. Its quite amusing honestly, but it doesn't help us perform. I must always stay focused, since any kind of internal conflict, even If I can handle it, I can work through it, it is not fair to the players who are on the correct side (mine), who are putting in real and honest work. They should be rewarded and not punished. They should not have to deal with this, they deserve good team mates who want to work as a team, and not divas who need things to be tailored for them

Never forget that. By protecting/tolerating fuckers, I hurt those who are actually kind and hardworking