Yesterday moms husband almost died. He isn't really my step dad, but he has been around for soon 20 years. Technically he been in my life more than my real dad, but its rather a feeling of a friend being close to death and also worry for my mom. If she lost another person close to her, that would be really hard on her
Its always weird these kind of situations (big stress), how I react to them. I feel nothing, I am calm. I get anxious that it looks like I don't care about it at all, and thats about it. Otherwise, I feel nothing
Then I go to sleep, wake the next day and it call comes down. I am really bad at providing comfort. Someone is crying, someone is feeling really worried, but I feel nothing. All I can do is be there, thats the best I can do. Well at least I was there, and maybe in some way me looking calm makes the situation seem more chill as a whole as well. Why add another nervous wreck into the pot? (I guess)
Its really weird how easily death can creep up on someone. You can be talking to a person, they can be fine. They close their eyes and simply don't wake up. Nothing looks wrong, they just lose color, bleed internally and don't wake up
In general been an odd week. Local gang members extorting money, family dying, back on the grindset at work. Hey I played the guitar a bit, and got my car project started. Did some league meetings to talk about how to coach better. Its all becoming a system, which in a way once it does, I deprecate my own usefulness. I make you push through that 1% to the top leagues, I am no good at coaching the basic fundamentals that 99% of the players need at the current level. Or rather I don't want to be good at it (I am obviously great at literally everything I do). Just a lot of stuff thats asking me to pay attention to them. Feeling caged again, hard to feel creative, free etc. Its a mental state tbh. I technically have time, but this stress cage is making it feel like there ain't any
Need to do something about this. Get out of the cage. I should go for a walk, work out, take a nice bath, start doing the daily guitar technique lessons, start drifting in simulator again? You know all of those "useless" things that my stress discards? Yea those, those things help. Helps me smile, be self and continue on continuing. Though it would probably feel better to not be alone. I'll sign up for some volunteering again. Food for the poor org. always needs extra help
Life can be good, today can be good. And if today is good, just look to replicate that success tomorrow. Ez katka
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