I wrote about this before, but its important to mention it again.
You belong/Your purpose = stop, think/feel, choose and there it is. Then stick to it
That is how you find a place to belong, thats how you find a purpose, thats how you stop spinning your wheels and actually move to some destination, make a life happen around yourself/it
I am just starring at the screen with a picture of my visionboard 2024, evaluating it, what needs to be changed, what is missing
I can't and shouldn't answer all of the doubts and questions. Just set the next destination (for now). I am getting too spread out and its killing my focus. I've done that mistake quite often, get greedy, want to do everything at once, then be overly stressed and end up doing not much at all, be constantly compressed haha. So lets avoid that!!
This year, I really want to just go out there and see the world. But not in the tourist way, but drive to places myself, spend some time there. Not sure what I'll do there, but just see the sights, play some music, eat some soup. Spend some time on the road kind of thing. What is my mission, what is my bigger purpose, whats the next thing to accomplish - dunno, but no great ideas come from being cooped up in the same place, same environment. All I will see, will be same options as before, nothing will change, I will be the same. What is a human being if not just a CPU, whatever the inputs are, can kinda predict the outputs it will produce. So I drastically have to swap out my inputs(environment)
I can do anything out there, there is no limit apart from what I set myself. Think different, change my perspective.
I started out like this, one of my first big goals was to have the means to get out, see the world and make a living. I used esports for that, but didn't succeed. But now with my job and education, I actually did lol. Whatever you set out to do, you will achieve eventually, its true. Might not be in a way you expect, but here it is.
Though to be fair, I am still somewhat limited. I have a lot of $ responsibilities, my pay is quite low compared to my seniority. I can't just get up and go live in south america. I invested my safety net into crypto once again, and the rest used for various quality of life purchases for my family. Now with tax season coming in, and contract again expiring in half a year, it doesn't feel that "empowering" to just get up and leave abroad. Perhaps I should solve that problem? Put extra effort into work, double my pay (possible), money does help...
Ofc I am also so desperate to just live a little, since at no point in my life so far have I ever been free to do anything. I've always been borderless homeless, 0$, and only tons of imagined responsibilities all over me. At no point did I have time, energy, money at same time and used it for myself without some kind of guilt or external pressure that I need to use as little as possible in case person X might need some, or family will need some
That somewhat explains my visionboard and desire to just get out, and be by myself, do "money impractical" things like bikes/drifting. Is it just me trying to heal by doing the opposite of what I made myself go through? : D. No not just the opposite, I just happen to like those things a lot as well..
A year of not thinking too much. Work, go out, eat soup, repeat
Yeah, a year of that, how about that. I am not sure if I want to commit to that forever, but lets just try it out, its new perspective and might inspire me with something new too. Fuck it
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