Daily freezing
Wake up, as usual fully dressed and cold. Whens the last time I could enjoy the pleasure of a proper bedding and sleeping in my underwear? Haha, last time I tried I woke up with a cold
Its either extremely hot, or its simply cold. There is no inbetween. Thats just how my house is. Hard to breathe in here too, dusty, always infinitely dusty. I've mouth breather so often, simply because my nose is too stuffy to breathe properly.
Still coldness, stuffiness and many other unpleasantries can be used to, but its very important that it shouldn't be!! The colder you get, in bed for example, the more you curl up, the more you try to keep yourself under the blankets to stay warm, the more clothes you wear and the less motivated you are to take them off. You pick up many bad habits that close you off. Because of the elements, to get used to them, you become worse. While the more positive and strong attitude would be - get up, brave through the uncomfortable neutral state, fix the situation, and then enjoy the fruits of it properly. Sleep comfortably, walk around comfortably, not overly dressed in doors, take shower any time you want, without the dread of undressing in negative temperatures and standing in ice cold bath hoping the warm water trickling down will warm your feet just enough. It sucks that I've defaulted into becoming weak and adapting to the environment rather than "conquering it". Maybe its because thats what I was born into, it didn't seem like something to be conquered, rather something that just is and how things are, but alas is not the point, point is I should aspire to conquer it and make things comfortable.
As always - more open, more honest, fearless. That is right way to live. Shuddering under blankets and trying to preserve little heat you have now, is opposite of abundance mindset, that stuff starts to affect how you think, eventually snowballing in many aspects of your life, even when its not cold anymore. Its poison!!!
The more I analyse myself and when I started doing certain habits of mine, the more I realize how many pathetic things I've picked up. Lets be honest here, I've been in many ways genetically blessed, yet its all squandered. Somehow believing that standing straight, head up, shoulders back and proud of myself is toxic and should be shamed for, while minimising myself, become weak and frail is what should be done instead. Fall in line, be small, listen and learn what the others who are much better than you are saying. (while idea itself is fine, imagine a retarded soviet brainwashed elderly person saying that to you instead, while also having full power of decision making over your future). Not all of this is meant directly, its more of a metaphor.
Culmination to these thoughts - start small, build good habits and excel yourself. Catch any attempt at lowering your head towards issues at hand. Power of cleaning your room, doing your chores well, open body language all further inspire yourself to be open and honest, proud of self. Inspire yourself to do good work, because you deserve it. Inspire yourself to not take shit from toxic people, because you deserve it. Inspire yourself to take care of your own dwelling and problems, make it all high quality. Not just barely surviving. A combination of few such small things, drastically change the decisions you do across your whole life, the places you end up at. A small fork in the road separates you from greatness, from vastly different life.
Damn even the writing I do. I sometimes stop and go back and read it (rare) and see myself using minimising language filling/padding out my sentences. Why can't I just be direct and concrete? I try to! But it comes out wishy washy anyway?? Have to get better at it. I must be annoying to listen to
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