What you want, is what you will get
What you aim for (and actually spend time on), is more or less what you will receive in the end. Thats why its important not to get distracted and know what the hell is what you want? Set priorities, aim for them. Life is so short, many people out there haven't even lived up to my CURRENT age and died. I am not 13 just starting it all anymore.
I get this conflict a lot recently. Drifting and motorcycles. They dont mix well. Drifting in many ways settles you down to a place, its hard to move around. You are dependent on a lot of things, and it rewards you for settling and setting up shop that can handle all issues with your car and so on. Also ofc the laws knowledge and how it applies to your cars, and these are very different per country, once more tying you up quite a bit. And you can technically say fuck the law, go build your drift car, go make it road worthy, and drift it around everywhere, fuck it. More likely than not you will lose your license at some point, but you could just not care and continue. The scare tactics with all the cameras around are actually avoidable even in a camera ridden country like mine... But this once again might "tie you up" some more, since you never know how other countries will handle your lack of license lol
While on the other hand, bikes are the opposite. You could have a complete death rocket, but its "legal", you dont even need any mods for bike to do what it needs to do, so you are pretty much free to roam anywhere without anyone bothering you, and if they still do, you can actually just blast off away from them. First thing people ask when you lost your license riding - why didnt you run? Thats how common it is. Maintenance is quite simple, hand tools for everything, travel light, travel far. Replacing a bike is not expensive, since for 5k you basically get buggati of bikes and you are free to go and kill yourself at 350kmh. Shrug.
I just got a bunch of ikea cardboard boxes instead of furniture and am packing my things away, thinking what kind of stuff do I need to function at acceptable levels. What kind of future do I REALLY DETAILED-LIKE envision for myself.
I am just torn. Stay and settle, be light and roam. Its quite different ways of life, and outcomes. Both requiring me invest time and energy into very different things, for me to become a kind of person who can live it.
Hmm. Just thinking of ways to combine things, its greed, or perhaps wisdom.
The settle thing just is hard to swallow, since I am not very well cut out to live a normal social life. I've spent most of my life alone, in privacy. I hate to admit it, but it shapes you, now assimilating in normal social situations is difficult. This difficulty is not what I imagined it would be though. I can talk, be funny, be open to a degree, and even be charismatic with normal people, heck they might even like me. But theres just a certain smell to me, that I am different and dont belong. I am a little stiff, unused to it, inexperienced, its hard to hide or pretend that you are not. You simply spent less time around people, it wasn't your go to for "fun and happy times" as it was for them.
In short it just makes it hard to "relax and be yourself" in social situations, and it makes you stand out by appearing more stiff/out of place. So it just comes down to whether I want to overcome this, or to build on entirely new foundation. Maybe im internalizing this as a conflict between interests, but in reality theres more to it
hmmm ~~~
Assimilate, or lead and make something new and your own
~~~
That above was also another thought that came to me in recent days being out and about. Joining other preestablished groups is quite hard, especially if you come from a vastly different background. If you were to just go and start your own, a lot of this could be remedied. People who would choose to "join it" would be ones acknowledging you and what you are all about, if you were open about it at least
~~~
Ah duynno cringe thoughts, why theorycraft social interractions so much? This is peak autism and stupid. It achieves nothing and is a waste of time
Why did these thoughts come in first place?
Well because I felt at times a bit lonely and out of place, and because I am worried about wasting time and ending up with nothing again in some years, as I have previously.
So fear and worry, huh? Well there never are any guarantees, and you wouldn't want them if were there any (heh, true) Yeah I guess just fear and worry. But only way to live is to listen to your heart and what you want, make a selection quick (dont hesitate much, just give it an honest think w time constraint), and then commit to that and work on it. Dont be a flag in the wind, blown into all directions. Choose and go. Simple
Whatever you do, commit to it and do it well, else treat it as an expendable chore that it is, dont commit too much. A lot of pain and disappointment comes when you are working on things that you aren't really that thrilled about, dont put a lot of your own intake into it, and the results feel like it was all a waste. Take a look at the hours it took from you and feel like a loser hahahha
Anyway still too much theory, lets try and go down a bit deeper. Lets run a simple exercise, I give myself 1minute to write down an example day of a "could be crow", what is he up to? What are those actions he does leading up to? Where could this hypothetical crow end up at in some weeks/months/years? Then lets weight these ideas and see how I feel about it
~~~
"the worst one"
- wakes up late
- eats dogshit
- sslugs through work
- eats some more
- watches vids and reads manga
- goes to sleep
Comments
Post a Comment