Essentially anything you need to know, you already know. Your body/soul is telling you every present moment on what it needs, you just ignore it. Do that long enough and you feel awful, depressed, and want to die
I am currently unsatisfied with my life. Its small, and the smallness makes coping habits come out out of laziness and fear to make a change. Its frustrating to make big changes when already being tired, makes you want to just roll into a ball and give up, or go suicide
But hey, I am already on a timer. Death is coming for me, whether I like it or not. So maybe its ok to be tired a bit, to yearn courageously for the joy of living the way I want to
Its pretty simple. I just don't enjoy sitting around consuming internet culture. When out of money, when suspended drivers license, when work responsibilities steal away my time, when friends are gone. It all feels a bit small, world closes up on me and makes it feel like theres nothing I can do. The inner me is crying out for help to go and fix this somehow, but I needed time to digest it and put it into words for myself, to finally hear what I was trying to tell myself
Living other people problems kept me busy, kept me distracted. And sure it felt pretty good to help others, but isn't that just another form of escapism? My life needs to get bigger also
Not gonna lie, this is mostly a financial problem. Which can be a good thing (lol). If its just finances, then its solvable. Just become a better hunter, hunt dat cash real well
So I guess just solve that. Stop falling into despair and hopelessness. Sure maybe I don't have money now, but theres still a few things that are interesting to do that are free. There are also numerous projects that can make money literally waiting for my answer. Shrug.
Its a combo ofc. Money, loneliness, aimlessness. I don't have a big goal for a long time now. Been trying the idea of just trying to make my life better, and seeing where that takes me. With
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self expression honesty knowledge of self
live free
hunting X freedom
two sides. Do hunting efficient, so least possible time is spent on it, then go into freeeeedooooom
I am troubled when I am fucked over by the hunting side affecting my freedom. Thats all.
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Battered, tired, but with a gleam in my eyes. I will live a happy life. I will get what I NEED. Not want, NEED.
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Last half a year been a struggle to hang on to life, especially so
Tried to live a bit different, but it doesn't really change anything.
I am still same old me, with same old unsatisfied desires for life. If anything I am probably worse off overall.
Moving in place, achieving nothing
I've parked my bike in the city, far away, so I couldn't get to it and do a suicide by speed. Since temptation is high
Now that my dog died, I have noone really who depends on me to stay alive. I could disappear right now, and thats it (Rip Rex)
Such a temptation to sit around and complain, to be "deep" about the pain I am feeling. And maybe its something that needs to happen, to let it out somehow, maybe that will help with refocusing
I want to stay alive, and I want to live a great life, but fuck man. Its quite painful
There are others in far bigger pain, in far bigger struggle. Its somewhat shameful to wallow in it, but I guess we all live at our own speeds
Mannnnnnnnnn. I don't want to be a dark existance
What do I need to do, to get out of this?
Fix my life
Make it bigger, better
Make vision board for 2025, finally
Get things I need to survive
Define what they are
I am feeling this way, because I am hopeless
I am hopeless, because I don't know what to strife for, what I need to do
I don't know what to do, because I am avoiding it, hiding from it. Using excuses as being tired or in pain
Or helping others
Why are you so scared of living your own life?
Lets do it man
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Had good progress thoughts wise, on how to live, how to survive, how to thrive
Finally will make a real 2025 and beyond vision board. Honest one. Looking at it, I FEEL MOTIVATION, DESIRE, PASSION
important ingredients in building a board
might move to live here on my next wage
being licenseless for close to a year makes everything quite boring, might as well go live in the city center by the river
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