License to live

 

Life with a suspended license... Relying on rented cars, and taking backroads home to dodge police patrols

Sucks that economy is so low, my programmers wage isn't enough to live well. There are basically only several options:

• Live on extreme budget in comfort, but a boring life
• Live an active life, but accumulate debts and own essentially nothing, but things related to your hobby (cars and stuff)
• Grind and hustle to earn more to buy yourself your freedom. Modern day gladiator arena.

One of the worst feelings is when your lack of wealth limits your ability to take care of people you want to care for. When the optimistic attitude simply hits the wall of digital, imaginary number being too low.

Medicine, comfort, burial, much needed vacation, quality food, a place to live? Wops, number too low, you cant provide anything

Don't get me started on - "work is literally poisoning and killing them, they won't last there for 10 more years", can you help them? No, number too small

You do nothing, but work, but number still too low? Get fucked

Hard work is not rewarded, ability to go beyond your limits is.

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Been on the lookout for bonus things to do for a while. Something worthwhile to start to increase $$$. All kinds of ideas were floating around my mind, explored them. Even the crazy ones like going back to grinding Wc3 esports, since tournament winnings are still alright these days. But thats a very non scalable and unreliable idea, still was funny that it even came around

Back to the passion of my youth, but this time as a cold hearted merc, here strictly on business

Thinking about $, made me think about where the $ for my salary jobs even came from. The apps I worked on, who was paying for it, really?

Summary: European union, airports, delivery/remote lockers company that got its money from covid boom

In the past whenever it came to money, used to look at it from the perspective of - what can I tolerate that would also make money?

But that mindset is a flawed idealistic mindset of trying to work your passions, at least when it comes to efficiency of making money

Maturing was realizing that no work will ever be tolerable for me, it simply is not what makes me happy. And that should simply aim for where the money truly is, be efficient with finding it, and then take it

That was hard and rough for me, someone who hates money as a concept, who hates work, who hates society/governments and financial system that we are stuck with. To take in this "truth", to swallow it

But thinking of my ideal life, my vision board from 2024 with bonus future ideas, damn do I need money. I am so tired of being a poor peasant. Of being powerless. Of being unable to protect anything, nor care for myself 

Sure I am being paid decently for the country I am in, but economy is going down so fast, its only matter of time until I can barely do anything even just for myself

I am so tired of feeling like my hands are tied when it comes to taking care of anyone else. I cannot afford to have anyone in my life. if they just sit at home and eat, sure, but thats not even living nor would anyone sign up for that

Anyway, just gonna work and grind. Provide services, seek out money. I hate this shit, but I do love making others happy. Just have to keep that in mind