my weakness, honesty with self once again revisited

I am a weak little lamb Just want to lay down in a little ball and die, be used for meat. 

Eaten 

That is how truly weak I am

So I pretend, I fake it, I try to resist it

I might even appear strong to someone for some time being

But its only matter of time until it comes out in some shape or form

I am a ticking time bomb

Sooner or later, It will all be vomitted out onto someone close to me. Its dangerous

I am dangerous to get close to

Especially if you see my strong/pretend side only

You might start feeling safe, you might start opening up to me

And then it will come out

It scares me, because I don't want to hurt others

I want to be close to someone, its so lonely

But I am dangerous to get close to. Do not trust me. I will betray your trust, I will crash at some point

Still. I don't want it to end this way

Being weak sucks, but at least I should accept it loudly and clearly

I should warn others of who I am

I also do not want to stay this way. If to live, I might as well try to resist this

Resistance, growth, being more than this

What is strength?

Question I ask myself all the time and explore the answers

I suppose I just need to live, truly live. Fight for the life. Warn everyone about who I truly am to avoid hurting them. Learn to deal with my weak episodes, practice techniques, not let it consume me as much.

That is all that I can do