Liked this (OLD DRAFT)

 

Should be able to clearly answer these about myself, and about people close to me

Else you cant build connection, communicate your own needs, repair hurts

Dont repair them quick? You build gaps and distance

Enjoy feeling alone forever 

bonus for myself zzz

Fear of intimacy

Fear of being seen

So I hide away, I become mechanical and cold.

Being mean, aggressive, out of control, and mechanical + cold

Thats the things that I often show, despite trying/seeing myself as a warm person

Push everyone away, desire closeness, talk that I crave it, get mad then I don't get it. When theres a chance to get it, I am cold and scared, or mechanical.

Never enjoying, never loving, never being free

Then crying about it like a bitch, that I am so lonely

Extremism, ideas that come from weakness

What have I actually done to fix the environment I am in, to fix the weakness? To build something around myself that lasts and is good?

Asking the right questions. Only then you'll find the answers that mean something.

My life, by myself. Cool plans and projects?

    - 

My friendship, w Elzbieta for example. What are things that are actually fun to do together? From past, from knowledge (future plans)

    -

What are the things that actually would make my life better?

Would make any persons life better?

Do all the things I require

Write them down, what I require (look down)

Then just do them, 555 deal with feelings, but get to doing the things

Then just live

----

Lead by example

Live a strong life

Motivated, open and happy

Have more going on, than just problems, emotional problems (weak shit man)

---

Your things always need to be done, your life always needs to be lived. Else resentment will build up

Talk about it, find a way to make it work. 

"You can be next to me" , "In 1 hour Ill take a small break", "Lets find something for you to do meanwhile" etc.

Think

Talk

With strength

With intention

Initiative

Leadership

OWNERSHIP

thats how life should be, thats how you grow, make mistakes, learn

Thats how you have no regrets

Rate myself in categories of:

- physically

- mentally

- emotionally

- financially

1 month long goals for each category to improve

3 month goals

6 month goals

1 year goals

2 year goals

Get on the grindset, lead by example

Its all coming from the inside

Take care of myself

Lead

Never blame anyone for anything, always look internally, and express my needs or feelings and look for objective way to reach that. With help or without

Other than that, just live a full life. Have goals, build life

----

I live for "others"

I forgot again how to live for myself

I became a depressing, dark cloud of negativity

Because I am not loving myself, loving my life. No efforts towards that

Things that inspire you

that drive you

that you find cool, or beautiful or something

Things that feel good

Decide on that, and build a life around it. Nothing else matters

PRESENCE

Being safe (in a good way)

stop punishing, stop being abusive. Catch myself in little ways that I "stand up for myself" by being a lil shit

Relationships, women etc. They are a mirror of yourself

What you give is what you receive 10x

Give masculine energy, get feminine energy back

Give lil shit energy, lil cry baby waiting for permissions to act. Get coldness back

Be distant, get distance

this is quite a bullseye mangg

I do this all the time. Being a scared lil bitch, waiting for permission for a sign to be valued. Masking it as some kind of big knowledge or emotional IQ

shit on yourself, be scared, self protection

Fkn self protection is keeping you away  from genuine connection, from closeness, from truth and honest life. From answers that I seek.

Simply scared.

But life is already passing, so many years have passed, yet still scared... And worst case, didnt even realize I was.

provide, how she receives, how she acts after. Either her connection gets deeper, she surrenders more, and encourages you to provide more of self, or all information that is needed is said

women are your mirror. I've only had terrible experiences with women. It means I've been corrupted in some way. I was the issue the whole time, ruining it all for myself

Understanding self, understanding where it all comes from. Solves so much.

Understanding your own power. Causality. This is empowering

this is so called "gandonizmas" that I do a lot in quiet ways. Sulking, punishing, distancing

cant fake this, need to feel it from inside, to understand it. Else it will keep eating yourself away..

Things are supposed to flow natural and smooth

done running from himself is key

my talks, my "deepness" was always just picking at things and how she made me feel, hurt me, misunderstood me and so on. Wtf man? I am throwing responsibility away fully.  You could even talk about the same feelings that were caused, but in another way. About how I have insecurity on the inside...

your own freedom, your own power, your own life becoming sick as fuck...

I feel like I am doing everything yet its not enough and fails

But its not as much as about the things you do

Its about being MORE AWAKE

BEING VISIBLE

SEEING

I failed at noticing, at feeling, at being present

Stress, anxiety and so on... distracts me

Show respect, bow down, its cool

Dont ego downplay and minimize. Women get tons of it

Why I cant enjoy sex, and suck at it ? 

I fail to be greedy

Sex is from the core a greedy thing.

If you think about the other, how they are in the moment, you are not in the moment anymore

You must max relax, max desire, max feel, max go for it

It just so happens that things that feel good for you, playing with her body, her reactions, teasing, or just having fun with it, is enjoyable for both...

Just FEEL, JUST BE

I actually max suck at presence and visiblity...

Too stressed

I am a toplane carry, a bloodmage micro god

Why minimize myself to renekton with pick axe and zz rot, or sejuani tank slave who clears waves

That isnt me. FEEL , BE, OWN

When I am relaxed, I even feel love, I even feel not defensive gandon style. I feel like myself...

The version of myself thats inside

\

vibes

\

making your girl feel chosen, and to feel useless

Useless meaning - she doesnt need to do shit, you take care of it all

And the way you do it, doesnt suck ass too

 

but this also requires to know where the fuck to lead, what is good in life? what is good as a couple? as lovers, as human beings. Etc.

Right relationship:

    Serving him feels fulfilling, not draining

Submission feels like safety, not slavery

His leadership feels like covering, not controlling

His correction feels loving, not belittling

His strength feels steady, not harsh

Being vulnerable feels protected, not exposed

----

Things to not tolerate as  man :

Her pretending that shes fine, when she is not

I can feel it, let me handle it

Her being upset with me,

Come here, let me make it right, lets fix this

Let her shrink to keep the peace, minimize herself. That is labour, which I dont want her to do

Her feeling like she needs to compete with other women,

there is no competition, you are mine

Her acting like she is low maintenance,

you are my love, just receive everything, you can dream big

---

The more you wifey your girl, the more wifey she will be

But what does it mean to treat a girl like a wife?

I actually never thought about it, but it shouldnt be hard to figure it out

Building trust, your word counts, you do what you say, make it relaxing for her..

etc..

actually showcases a lot on what girls need, what being a guy is all about

this but also with friendships and life in general. Ironically you become warm and positive, by being "selfish". You become serving to others, by serving yourself and making yourself the warm, positive, and honest presence