Self love is rotting and poisonous (OLD DRAFT)

 To find self, to find honesty and so forth is a common thought nowadays. But with that comes THE danger of becoming too self obsessed and centered. As if everything that comes out within you, is amazing. A self love inflicted rotting, a poison

Just as its important to feel yourself from within, its also important to enrich yourself with external information

As you got eyes, ears, sense of taste/touch, a heart. It was meant to be this way. You are supposed to accept the outside. You cannot live on self alone

This becomes a funny balance of not losing yourself, of not putting on someone elses created mask onto self, while also not rotting away

When is too much? How to handle this danger? What to seek out?

When it comes to complex ideas, it is best to simplify the environment and roleplay a little bit with it. Actually do this in programming. A simple test environment, and stress testing

How would these questions and situations play out if I were an ancient man living in the nature?

How do other animals do it?

Learning from nature and animals, is the classic human way of learning. Tap into that.

Lets play:

I am a simple being

If I am trapped, I feel bad

Things that trap me: 

    - work anxiety, money anxiety and stuff like that (boring, but getting it out of the way)

    - blocking my own desires, blocking my own feelings

Sometimes you want to touch, hug another human, but some reasons make you refrain. It numbs you down from anxiety, cant feel anything. Kills you a bit

Sometimes you have feelings growing inside of you, you ignore them, you push them away, but in reality you just want to say them out loud, for them to be heard

I am sensitive to these things. I just want to live man, I just want to express myself

I just want to be myself without judgement

I dont want to be in an environment where I am being watched and judged, or where my actions of closeness might fuck shit up for another person I care for

its weird position to be in

Or am I just too scared to love, to act with love, to be vulnerable, show it. Dont want to make a fool of myself. Cowardice